this beer tastes like vomit already
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
