I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
