Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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