Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
