i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
