So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
