last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
