Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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