Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
