this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
jump out the window naked night went bad
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
