Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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