Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
