he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
