You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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