You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
