I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
