I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
