I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
