we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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