I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
