all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
