Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
