i permit you to call me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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