have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
