cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
