Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
