so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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