Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
is it fun? or sober?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
