it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
