wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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