I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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