how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
