I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
