my being single is dangerous.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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