So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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