its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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