I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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