The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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