He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
