he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
