I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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