A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
