i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
