Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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