I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
