I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
