now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
