finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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