It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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