Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
